Ideally our family and close friends, the family we choose, are supposed to be there to be our number one support team. Family are people who are there from day one and who are supposed to teach, love and praise you. They give you your first sense of self worth, your father is your first love and your mother is your role model, right?
Stop and think now if that wasn’t the case, if your parents never uttered to you, “I love you!” “Great job in school you’re report card was great!” “It’s okay mistakes happen, don’t give up” “You are beautiful” “You can talk to me about anything” or even “I’m sorry.”
How would that affect the person that you are today?
Heartbreak doesn’t just stem from just romantic relationships. Being told by the person that you admire the most that you can’t do it, that you’re stupid, that your a bad parent, or that you aren’t good enough, or an other negative remark or constant criticism, may leave you really believing it, and make you want to give up on yourself. It may leave you thinking, “Well if my own family doesn’t believe in me, then it must be true. I can’t.”
But you can! In all aspects of love and worth, self love needs to come first. When you believe in yourself, when you look in the mirror and you think “I’m amazing, I’m beautiful, I can!” then you are getting the ball rolling into knowing your self worth and never settling, even if the people who traditionally are supposed to give you this love and reinforce these ideas aren’t.
While watching last seasons Bad Girls Club Redemption (yes even us Different Def’s watch a little ratchet T.V.) their life coach had them do an activity where they took lipstick on a mirror and wrote on the top half all the negative things people and loved ones said to them, and who they really thought they were. On the bottom they wrote what they thought of themselves. On the mirror one woman wrote things like “bad parent” on top, and “great mom” on the bottom. After digging deeper with the life coach these women realized it didn’t matter what these nay-sayers thought, what mattered was the reality, and reality for this example was that her son thought she was the best mom in the world.
Maybe you could try this activity yourself, not necessarily on a mirror, but on a sheet of paper, write the things loved ones have said to hurt you that linger in your mind and bring you down. Then write what you truly believe and feel about yourself. Focus on the positive beliefs about yourself. What’s your reality? What’s are your dreams? Then maybe use some daily affirmations to keep those positive ideas a constant on your mind. I believe positive thoughts lead to positive outcomes.
So love yourself, regardless of what the peanut gallery has to say, let your voice be the loudest!
Peace and Love,